Because of the books and to television the step-mother is very frequently presented as the negative character: malicious and mercenary. But you in no way such! You love your new husband, by entire soul you want to fall in love with his children and, naturally, wait from their side of reciprocity. But very frequently it is possible to encounter with far from positive reaction. But how to overcome stereotypes, to overcome all difficulties and to become properly grow prettier by step-mother?
We present itself correctly
It is it is no secret that very important to recommend well itself precisely during the first days of acquaintance. But already as you this will make – a question of other. Many women consider that children can easily be “bribed”, after entertaining by sweetnesses, after presenting toy, after permitting longer playing a little on the computer. But by this tactics in no case cannot be be fascinated, especially at first. Otherwise in the head of little-one the thought is born: “With this person to me is possible everything!”. Which will be further, to represent is not difficult: child entirely will forget, that such discipline will require from you ever increasing. In this case no love and respect you will deserve, on the contrary, little-one will feel, which has above you a control. But is worth you although once refusing to child in his whim, as you into one instant will become heartless step-mother.
Psychologists advise: in order to make friends with the chubby little boy, it is necessary temporarily to the very to become child. But do not forget, that little-ones feel your active striving to find with them common language, and your agitation. Here time itself to recall about a sense of self-respect. Do not tie itself to chubby little boy. For the beginning try to interest it. For this it is possible to describe to it about the interesting games, into which you could play a little, about the fairy tales, which you know. If you are the best player and not inspired teller, then select simpler method. More easily in all to draw to itself attention by similar enthusiasm. For this previously learn in the dear person, which loves its fumes. But then seemingly inadvertently you will mention, that with the impatience you wait the continuation Harry Potter or that greatly you love to walk to the roller. Certainly, in that case you must at least superficially know the content of all books about the boy- magician and, as a minimum, know how to stand on the horses. You do not want to fall before the child in a jam. General enthusiasm always draw together people of any age, and little-one itself to you will be stretched.
In the role of the step-mother
Even if in you a good relation with the husband, even if you accepted well his children, it is not worthwhile to weaken. First of all you remember: way from the step-mother to the mom is enormous, and in the majority of the cases cannot be passed it. Therefore you will clearly determine the boundaries of that permitted. Most frequently problems appear as a result of discipline. You report little-one for the disobedience, and you hear as the answer: “Who you to me such?!” Unpleasant words. But the child in own way own way of rights. It is better, if we punish little-one will be native father.
Try to find your approach to the child. On no account attempt to copy actions or words of its native mother. You will not nevertheless replace it. But from the side of little-one this effort can cause negative reaction. On the contrary, give to chubby little boy to understand that, although you to it not mom, you relate to it with the entire soul and it is always ready to help.
You be constantly up to date in that how in child the matters in kindergarten, school proceed. Be interested in its successes in the sport, the creation, the studies. Attend all competitions, concerts, in which it participates. But also themselves display initiative. For example, help in the organization of school measure. Certainly, all this it is possible to make only when child allows to approach you to itself and to it pleasantly your participation in its life.
If for you it was possible to deserve love and confidence of child, you value this. And try to justify the hopes entrusted on you. For example, if it suddenly to you had luck to become the keeper of children’s secrets, then on no account it is worthwhile to reveal to their husband (with exception of the cases, when child it is located in the danger or it risks).
Children’s intrigues
The majorities of children sufficiently zealous relate to the dear woman of their father. This is understandable, dad in them one, and they want it not with whom to divide. But now and then this jealousy is manifested not only in the tears and the whims. But the desire to destroy your marriage is converted into its main mission.
To little-one most simply to press to the pity of adult. Therefore you be ready for the fact that tens of false and unjustified charges will fall to your head. But do not yield on the provocation of child. Give to it to understand that to war you with it will not be. But your relations with the husband are stronger than all intrigues and intrigues.
But far from always child acts into the lone person. Very frequently in it are grandmothers grand-dads, which are always ready to support the dear granddaughter or grandson. And if moreover the parents of husband do not feed to you deep love, then convince their, what you evil step-mother, will not compose special labor. In that case for you it is necessary to adjust relations not only with the child, but also with his grandmothers and grand-dads. Try more often with them to associate, be turned to them for the council. Then they understand that you not only a good person, but still and greatly want to worry about their grandsons. It can be, because of precisely these people you will find common language with the children.
As far as possible openly you will have a talk with the little-one. This can be made two together or in the presence of dad, after arranging thus small family council. It is completely possible that together you will arrive at a compromise, and the demands of child will prove to be completely feasible and substantiated. And you will succeed in solving problem peacefully.
Everything becomes known in the comparison
As we already spoke, it is not worth by all forces attempt to replace for little-one the native mom, who on some to reason now is not next. But it is possible that you will encounter reverse situation.
Little-ones from the first day of acquaintance involuntarily begin to compare you with their mom. Some conclusions others quietly subconsiously, voice to their to those surrounding. In such cases, it is worthwhile for you to make something, as little-one it here reproaches you in the errors. And in each woman will by no means not be sufficient endurance constantly to hear from the child of claim in the spirit “A my mom nevertheless better!”.
Chubby little boy can on several times in the day recall that its mom is skillful and that, and this: and it prepared more tastily, and to play with it was more interestingly. This in no way means that the child wants you to offend, and already those more he does not speak, that you are poor step-mother. Here the matter is sooner in the habit. Something little-one fell in love, he became accustomed to something. It is simply necessary time in order to be reconstructed. Quietly react to the comparisons of child. Can inquire, and where precisely added this clothing its mom, as was prepared this dish. Receive the stories of child so, as if you listen to about the outside, but very interesting person.
Marrying man with the children, you remember that sudden family happiness it does not occur. It in any event must be deserved. Therefore do not wait miracles, but do entire possible so as to become for the children grow prettier by step-mother and to create in the house the warm family atmosphere.
