Extenuating circumstances

So , the man ( who, as we know , polygamy is inherently ) started a mistress . Let us now take into account the moral and ethical side of the problem, and so we understand that change is not good that the lover equal to rogue states , and the sinner man branded all the terrible words . We abstract from common and hackneyed view of the situation and look at it from another angle . Let’s change some words in some places . Instead, ” started a mistress , for example, put ” met his true love. ”

Aha – you ask . – Then, before he was five or ten or fifteen lived with love artificial ? – Also incorrect . Love, as we know, is rarely chosen by the social and civil status . Errarum humanum est, or, simply,

in the popular , people are sometimes mistaken. This is typical of him . Have you noticed one day that a woman -winding lover , modern society is somehow more tolerant ? Mol , took her Kolka – goat , that’s an outlet and found . ” Dostavanie ” as ” goat – Manko ” for some reason the category of mitigating circumstances are not equal , and Kolka goat remains in any event.

As the war

In general , the situation is . My husband met a great love. This option, in which the wife sooner or later discovers that there are guaranteed a rival. If a simple campaign ” left ” for the health and diversity still has a chance to remain a mystery , something big and bright sense of Straining a man inside , sooner or later will come out outside . And then the fun begins . Few there are women who are in this situation are able to show generosity and to make sweetheart consumption – to divide the property , explain to children that daddy loves them , but will live in another place , to maintain good relations with the former and on holidays, to congratulate each other . The first reaction of any woman would be offended by the immediate desire to declare war.

On the other side – a mistress . Or , more precisely, that the greatest love of his life . And she also loves. Phrases about ” happiness in someone else’s garden ” , ” other people’s bones ” and other questionable places and strange foundations were now stuffed soreness in the teeth . Everything, absolutely everything happens in this life. We do not condone his mistresses , but let’s at least be as fair and objective : the situation is and it needs to do something . There – his wife on the trail of war , here – new-found favorite in the confusion and tumult : How is it so happen? At the center – the hero of the occasion , which , on the good , we ought to give freedom and cuff , and for him to start now instead be taken lightly battles.

Error number one: Hysterics

Wife. Tears , of course , deduce a stress hormone. And the picture of the current from the corners of his eyes tear makes a woman helpless , fragile , and in the soul of a man born of guilt unprecedented power, but let’s be objective: our women are still beautiful to cry do not know how . Or can , but only on the screens. In reality – sobs whistling , tears stream, throat wheezing, red nose , swollen eyes, broken dishes , waved a child and a frying pan – and a husband who understands that better than to run away from here , and as soon as possible .

Mistress . You early hysteria . You knew what they were . If you really want to cry , practice to let the above picture tears . God forbid you from even a hint of hysteria. Hysteric , most likely , he ate at home to the eyeballs . And if they weep and beat the dishes , then cry and , at best , just crying, without damage to property , then where did he go? And suddenly , again, there do not cry at all? Then dry your tears and do not have time , as Amante will be thrown to seek peace and quiet under the wing of a sudden overgrown virtues wife .

Error number two: The feeling of guilt

Wife. Yes , he is guilty . I ‘ll tell you more – he knows it and he live with this his whole life. Moreover , if he – a man of sense , the degree of guilt estimates adequately, and for the “tainted ” three years of life mansion on Rublevke not build will be thrown . Agree on a reasonable moral and financial compensation. For himself , the children. If, however, with an adequate perception of the world had problems pedaling guilt can , of course, be a confining factor, but that’s only normal male your spouse becomes a hunted creature with a sense of acute mental illness on a background of ever-increasing sense of guilt. It will end because he recognized the organization zhidomasonskogo conspiracy, Kennedy assassination , and you until the end of his days will be wearing it to a clinic of neurosis.

Mistress . The degree of his guilt no more than yours. Of course , if the relationship with non-free person you were walking with their eyes open. He was in front of you is unlikely to something so much time to commit offense . And when trying to call it is not a wonderful feeling , can think . By the way, can backfire. The more you try to call it a sense of guilt in front of you for some things not worthy of attention , the stronger it will activate a sense of guilt towards the abandoned family. ” Yeah – will think a man – then blame the wrong size for the diamond , and there in tattered shoes were all the student youth and not make a sound ever . And if the wife – a literate manipulator , then instead of him for something to blame , it starts at an active spare. And you . And it along with you . You have already guessed what was coming next ?

Error number three: Total control

The wife and mistress. Sniffing , obsharivanie , continuous monitoring of telephone, computer , pockets , neighbors , friends … List of women’s mistakes is endless . A person who is deprived of personal space, sooner or later comes to a sensible conclusion to eliminate the cause of violations of personal boundaries . Telephone and mail – all the same things very intimate . A strange scent of men working in an environment of more than one woman can smell an entirely innocent reasons . And what, exactly , do you hope to find there? It is worth remembering that someone is looking for – and you shall find , and think, if you want.

Error number four: the child waved

Wife. The child – not a bargaining chip . And under no circumstances should not become a tool of manipulation. Psychologists around the world in one voice say : a child who became the reason that two people are forced to live together, grow up , gets numerous complexes , and his childhood was far from happy . Better loving set of parents living apart than living in a constantly tense atmosphere

Mistress. No child in the world could not hold a single man – our moms love to repeat this phrase. Memorize . And look for his wife’s advice to see you, they also belong .

I have a surprise for you, gentlemen: Your wife probably doesn’t know how important sex is to you.

Now sure, she knows that it’s important. She knows that you (very likely) want more of it than she does. She knows that you sometimes take an attitude when she is less than forthcoming. She also knows that she can use sex as a weapon, denying what she feels is a physical desire of yours.

But she probably doesn’t know that it is an emotional need.

Most of my marriage articles here on hubpages are for men. Why? Because I run a forum for women about the subject of marriage. I prefer not to cross-post content and Google likes it that way, too. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

In this case, however, I understand that this topic is so crucial to men that I wanted to give this article the most exposure possible. Guys, women just don’t understand!

Now I know, I know… Women are so mysterious. There are so many things about us that you just don’t “get” that it might be shocking to you that women don’t understand you much better than you understand them! But it is very, very true that each gender sees the world very differently, and if we’re going to be able to truly communicate, we’re going to need to “get on the same page.”

It isn’t Physical, Ladies!
Sure, men like sex. Most men I know love sex, even. It is a physical pleasure that is incomparable, really. But the physical element of sex is a desire, not a need to be met. Men can live their entire lives without the physical pleasure of sex.

What is more important to your husband or significant other is the emotional need that sex meets.

I understand you, ladies! You don’t necessarily think that men are emotional creatures! They don’t (usually) cry like we do, and they don’t talk it out. They don’t discuss their emotions and they don’t bawl into a tub of ice cream like us. But that doesn’t mean that they are not equally emotional creatures.

Like women, men want affection from their mate. Affection is equally important to members of both genders. But your husband or significant other might not be a cuddler. If he doesn’t seem interested in snuggling up on the sofa to watch tearjerker films with you, it is because his need for affection simply isn’t met in the same way that yours is: His need for affection is met through… You guessed it! Sex.
What He Hears when You Say You Have a Headache
“I have a headache” has become a common joke. Women are exhausted at the end of a day of taking care of household chores and children and don’t feel that they can fit sex into their night. They might be angry with something that their significant other did during the day (or week, or month) and feel that denying him sex is appropriate revenge for his insensitivity to their needs. Or they might genuinely have a headache.

But when you tell your husband that you don’t want to have sex… Or if you make up an excuse not to have sex with him, he hears your rejection, and he might become resentful. He hears you say that you don’t want him, that he isn’t good enough, not big enough, not fit enough.

Men are insecure creatures.
It’s not a Weapon, Girls!
Sex is a genuine, emotional need for your husband or significant other. Please, please do not use this gift as a way to manipulate him or to punish him for some perceived flaw. The key is to forgive him and to give him the respect that he needs as a man. Claiming to have a headache or to be too exhausted to meet his needs is humiliating to him and makes him feel like less of a man. It undermines his self-esteem and can make him feel incredibly unappreciated. Appreciation is very important to a man!

Your husband probably feels that sex is invigorating and energizing. After a long day at work, he probably wants to relax with you: and this is his way of relaxing.

I know, I know. The modern woman is asking herself (and me) “what does it do for me?” I get you, and I get your point. We tend to be a very self-motivated society. Let’s address that issue!

What does “Giving in” Get Me, the Woman?
First things first, you shouldn’t be thinking about sex as “giving in” to his desires. When you married your husband, you promised to love him until death. We are meant to sacrifice for our spouse and for our children. Sometimes sex might be a sacrifice. Some nights you might just feel too tired to engage in sexual activity. And it’s okay to say no. Once in a very great while.

But meeting your husband’s emotional need for sex can reap great rewards for you, as well! When you give of yourself to your man, you open a part of him that you might not have seen previously. You help him to feel refreshed and appreciated. You make him feel desired and desirable. You fulfill him in a way that we as women cannot begin to imagine.

Things start to happen. He becomes more apt to ask you how your day has been, or to offer to cook dinner. He becomes more inclined to romance you a bit more (in your way, rather than his, which is unsurprisingly probably sexual). You might stop having to ask four or five times for him to take out the trash (he might do it on the first request now!).

Great things happen when you begin to meet your husband’s needs. Bearing in mind that your husband has an emotional need for sex, this area of your relationship should not be neglected!

1. Pretend that survey public opinion on how best to meet with a man.

2. Wear a T-shirt with his own name on his chest. Guess what your name, do not have to.

3. Say: “Your face seems familiar to me. Where we can meet?” You were not in Bangkok in November? ” (Just do not forget to pre-read a short guide to Bangkok).

4. Standing behind him in line for coffee, start talking about what to choose: mocha, caramel, cappuccino … Then touch him on the shoulder and asked: “What should I order, how do you think?”

5. After a sip of milkshake with whipped cream ask, Are there any cream on your lip. Licking cream a little longer. When he smiles, say that as a child you loved to lick the cream with a celebratory cake before the guests sit down at the table.

6. Ask him the news page of his newspaper’s culture and find out if he had not heard about some interesting new films. If his inspiration for this topic, invited him to the evening session.

7. Stop it matter if he knew where passes premiere – boldly call any play. If a young person is not quite an ignoramus, he burst out laughing, and maybe even invite you to the theater.

8. If he ran out of the office during a lunch break, ask an innocent question, where you can eat. You can go ahead and ask where exactly he and his colleagues go to lunch.

9. Even if he was rushing to work or late for a meeting, you can stop him by asking: “Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to school Hispanic dance at such a street?” Address is better to call somewhere nearby.

10. “Lost” earring. Preferably just where sits “same” man. Carefully examined every centimeter beneath his feet, until he offered his help. Lifted the hair and show him the other earring.

11. If you liked the salesman in a bookstore, ask about some rare book, leave your phone and ask him to call when the book will appear. At any time of day.

12. Take a collection of jokes or humorous stories, and, standing in line, laughing seductively. When you meet his eyes, tell me that you are not crazy – just a book so funny. Come closer to him, to show the most ridiculous places.

13. Dial a pile of books on massage, Thai cooking or rock climbing. Loans to turn into cash, and leave the book under his care while you go to call.

14. Seeing him in the hands of a new intellectual novel, offered to come to the reading of modern prose. To hint that you enter in the number of organizers of the event.

15. After playing a fortune-teller: Honor your destiny with the palm of his girlfriends, and then offered to predict the future and to him. Take him by the hand and gently running her fingers on the palm of your hand, say that it is waiting for a romantic adventure or a meeting that will change his life

Family life seems calm and quiet just newlyweds. They have yet to find out how much misunderstanding lies in family relationships, passions boil in the kitchen or in the bedroom. Many families have not developed a program of “peaceful” solutions. Let’s talk about the most common methods of response conflict and decide which is better: to remain silent, to quarrel or argue?

Silent?

Marina, 27 years old, married for six years. Raise a child. Recently, Marina began to worry that their husband fairly often quarrel, which ends in silence. This silence may last several days. The situation at the time the house becomes tense. Marina makes attempts to begin to talk, discuss it, because of what happened a quarrel, but the husband stubbornly silent. Recently, the silence lasted longer than all. What to do in this situation?

Why dear to one another, rather than discuss the problem, stop, and sometimes a long time? There are several reasons.

1. Become personal

In other words, the spouses do not know how different. Maybe someone of them (or both) in the family mom and dad used this way. And the stereotypes introduced by a native family, the most tenacious.

2. Fear of ruin

Most people, knowing that a quarrel may go too far, just silent. This is a protective reaction to prevent their mouth too.

3. The desire to take offense

Pained silence – a child’s reaction, comes from the preschool period. It was then, unable and afraid to answer to parents, we are offended silent and turned away in the hope that they will understand: we demand the comfort and acceptance of our innocence. The same thing we want to show and teammate.

Offended Silence is distinguished from a wise skill to remain silent. Sometimes it is “step on the throat of his own song” and not say anything that has accumulated in respect of a partner. Of course, if you do not intend that this quarrel will be a spectacular finale to your family life. Wise ability to remain silent does not cause multi-day absence of communication, it helps to get out of the conflict with minimal losses. What can be said about an emphatic silence: “I’m so offended (a) that do not want to talk to you.”

Typically, after a period of silence (a few days, weeks) “by” tolerate. They are no longer able to listen to “ringing” the silence. Therefore, when one offers the world, second in relief agrees. Yet they do not affect that problem, which led to a fight! They are afraid to discuss it, as again may quarrel. A problem that remained unclear and remains in the “piggy bank”, which again sooner or later overflow. So offended conspicuous silence – is not an option, but a dead end.

Quarrel?

Karina and Misha consider themselves very temperamental people. This is manifested in high-profile scandals with each other. The reason for the irritation may be any detail: from dirty cups to the situation on Cuba. Karina and Michael believe that shouting at each other is normal and even useful …! “We are the people! Do not keep it all to yourself! Easier for us to become! “- They say. That only time this behavior has resulted in a family, which already had a child, to predrazvodnoy situation …

Some people are so accustomed to react to any stimulus irritation that simply did not understand how to live differently. This pattern, most likely, also was podsmotren in parent family when both parents (or one of them) reacted indignantly shouting at nedosolenny soup, broken cup, evaluation of the diary. And if such potential “trouble-” in the family, two … What is the quarrel?

1. Become personal

Turning to the individual partners are reminiscent of all the bad things they remember about each other. Negative action (or another view on the situation) can be generalized as a trait of character: “You’re irresponsible,” “You’re a bad father,” “You know nothing.”

2. Who’s who?

Partners want to “put pressure” on each other, to impose their point of view, which is perceived as the only correct one.

3. Self-justification

Although both parties think that they solve the problem, but in reality it is not. Internal goals are realized in the quarrel, – increasing their own self-esteem at the expense of another, self-justification, confirmation of his own bad luck.

April. Protecting the attack

In a quarrel, a spouse is attacked, and the second is protected, and then they switch roles. But defending a man quite capable of understanding the views of another! He is looking for excuses for myself, and usually finds them, continuing to blame the partner and hanging tags.

Both partners feel, ultimately, unsatisfied: the problem not solved, and quarreled. Sometimes only one spouse should be such a stereotype of behavior. Then the quarrel – it’s almost a monologue with the smashing of crockery, flapping doors, charges suitcase (or his partner). People accustomed to this style of “communication” is often said that in another way they can. It seems that “everyone understands, but … can not! But is it really? Someone is really hard to resist, especially when it comes to “explosive” choleric. However, they quickly break out, but just as quickly and cool down. But not always the case only in temperament. Sometimes people allow themselves to such behavior, sincerely believing that it is beneficial: irritation spills, rather than build ip. And in this lies the error.

Yes, anger spilled out. But where? On a partner, a loved one? And now he has within the same energy of excitation, which also requires the exit. Is that what you sought? And now a partner, or splash out on all of you, forming a “vicious circle” argument, or hid in itself, undermining their own health. And one, and other options are equally bad. Sometimes, in order to stop responding aggressively to simply understand that this is actually a bad way. We must believe that it is this “Italian” style of solving problems can destroy your relationship. And if you just aspire to it – continue to say that “want to restrain himself, but may not”, and shouting at a partner.

If your goal – to save the relationship, then try to change. Quarrels with the explanation of relationships – is one of the worst options, which does not lead to solving problems, but only perpetuates them. The quarrel, of course, should not see children. For them, an injury – to see that their family is “not together”, besides they can lead an ineffective coping mechanism.

Gagged?

Cyril and Oksana, wife of “experienced”, they say never “clear up”, but only clarify the problem. The family reigns trust and respect, grow calm children. In addition, they have a golden rule – never to discuss serious issues after 21.00, as well as when it is clear that one of the spouses are tired or sick.

So what’s the difference between constructive controversy and quarrel? So the signs of constructive dispute.

1. Partners have respect for each other and give advice;

2. willing to listen to the views of each other;

3. understand that the purpose of the dispute – to solve the problem;

April. speak only about the problem, not being distracted by the discussion of personal qualities of each other. If the problem affects just manifestations of nature, the partners say no “You – poor” and “You did bad, that does not affect the dignity and gives the field for correction;

5. provided that all rules, both partners feel satisfied, this position “won – won”.

To argue thus is possible even in the presence of children, it teaches them to solve problems in a civilized manner. And, of course, even the constructive debate is not worth starting, if you or your partner feels tired, sick. In this state, we are worse than the control itself and can “break” in the quarrel. Even if you both come home just after 22.00, learn to argue the cultural! This may require more self-control, but it’s worth it.

To learn how to argue constructively, to this study. Like many others, the ability to solve problems this way – it is a social skill, impossible without the training. So – argue, but do not let quarrels!

Non-standard approach

If you understand that the dispute into an argument, you can use several non-standard techniques that help get out of a quarrel with minimal losses. The main thing – it is in the heat of an argument to recall that the possible methods for coping with it.

1. Against third

You might remember as a child your parents quarrel, but when you approach them, they were the unanimous dissatisfaction with you? That is the method of “guilty of the third. You can use this method, but not against children. Try to raise a quarrel about some mutual acquaintances, for which you are both unanimous and negative mood. You will see that your dissatisfaction with each other will be much less!

2. More humor!

Try to laugh a partner, even if you do not to laugh. Someone is trying to express emotions pantomime, someone remembers “the place of” anecdote, but someone does something absurdly unexpected, but funny. If you laughed together, dissatisfaction with each other will decrease.

3. Mail

This method is for those who quarreled seriously. Sometimes that’s hard to say out loud, you can write. Well, if this letter, written in pen on paper. But in extreme cases will approach and an e-mail (although its value is much less). If you decide to write such a letter, consider it. Talk about your feelings, try to accusations partner was as little as possible. Be sure to finish the letter optimistic.

From adversaries to partners

Row – a reciprocal process. Admit your mistakes and ask forgiveness. Unfortunately, many people there is a stereotype that, apologizing, they lose their dignity. In fact, people who know how to apologize and admit his mistakes, cause a feeling of respect, because it suggests that people are thinking and bold. Your apology can help both partners recognize their mistake – because it no longer charged, and therefore do not need to defend.

No matter how fanciful, or, conversely, banal nor was your idea of the main night, the only important thing that you feel comfortable and plunged into love.

As a love affair

Concept. The traditional book and cinematic wedding night scenario assumes that the beloved man, driven by passion, gentle, hands would you luxury apartments, where you are in a romantic atmosphere and spend the night.

Required Attributes. You can not do without a bed strewn with rose petals, and champagne with strawberries. Create an atmosphere to help quiet music, flickering candles and soft bedding. And, of course, silk underwear for you, plus a drop of your favorite perfume.

Reefs. If you decide to spend the night at home and help the hotel staff can not count, involving the implementation of the plan trustee. This can be a friend or relative who will ensure that your appearance in the bedroom was chilled champagne, strawberries washed, and candles lit.

As in romantic comedy

Concept. Wedding night – it does not end the holiday, and its climax! It is therefore worth to get away from the party, waiting for the fireworks and the instructions given in-law to pass only two of the city at night, warm kiss on the wind and sleep in the morning after a passionate tango.

Mandatory attributes. You can not do without a disc with “your” songs, funny pajamas and soft pillows for a fight, in which it turns out, who’s boss.

Reefs. When planning a pep night, keep in mind that at the end of wedding celebrations, even your energy can dry up. So just in case, have a plan B: for example, a romantic walk is quite possible to replace wallow in the bath – together, of course.

As in the adventure film

Concept. Life – a continuous adventure, and the wedding night – the main adventure for lovers. It’s time to surprise, amaze and bewilder. If you have never gladdened favorite erotic dance, take a couple of lessons, and if had not made love in the car, it’s time to try.

Mandatory attributes. The provocative underwear, unusual situation, a new perfume or even a wig – this night all means are good. And do not forget about a surprise for a loved one – let it be even a chocolate on the pillow.

Reefs. Perhaps not every man will be glad if, instead of touching the blonde of his dreams, in which he, in fact, married the night before it will appear vamp in leather underwear. Consider the temperament and mood of a favorite – the first thing you should do when planning their wedding night.

As a youth drama

Concept. Down with stereotypes! Candles, champagne and silk sheets – does not guarantee success wedding night. Loving people, and in a hut paradise. Why invent something special, if the most important thing for happiness – each other – you already found?

Mandatory attributes. Any flat surface on which you will be able to sleep at dawn, embrace, “Polaroid” snapshot-style paparazzi and sincere words of love.

Reefs. Knowing in advance, you will not regret if you after a while that have not arranged a special cocoa wedding night, you can not.

The ideal option for undecided will journey that begins that night. You are in any case will be in unfamiliar surroundings – and it certainly will be remembered.

As in a fairy tale

Concept. The first wedding night – surely the same momentous event in your life, as the exchange of vows and wedding rings and wedding night should be part of the royal scope of your plans.

Mandatory attributes. Luxury apartments (overlooking the Kremlin, the Venetian canals or the ocean), a fireplace or candles, crystal goblets and wine collector, well, a handsome prince, of course.

Reefs. The desire to spend their wedding night in a big Arab sheik, alas, must be supported by the creditworthiness of like a sheikh.

Main rules

• Do not abuse alcohol, or a night of love can be a night to combat vertigo.
• Do not forget about contraception, if the addition in the family you have not yet discussed.
• Be sure to turn off mobile phones.
• To start thinking early morning, the first joint: breakfast in bed is welcome!
• Do not expect much from that night is nothing extraordinary – and the reality you probably be pleasantly surprised.

I think that they simply fear man. They fear female success, since they became accustomed in the depth of soul, frequently, without acknowledging to itself in this, to depreciate woman. The social success of woman as if places under a question their own talents and possibility to be successful – man pride (self-appraisal) suffers. It is possible, also, to recall about the notorious man chauvinism and the patriarchal abutments of the society: the socially sanctioned means of man as defender, extractor and breadwinner of family – this means is living and to this day and has a significant effect on soul, by the way, not only men, but also women. With respect to superfluous [maskulizirovannosti] of socially active women, probably it is possible to argue: how about the certain general tendency – we undoubtedly can about this speak, but perhaps there does not exist the women of those playing the significant social roles and in this case preserving its female potential? It is more than that, I would note and the fact that some aspects of femininity cannot be opened, completely, out of the measurement of the social activity of woman and her social success. At the end, ends, give let us recall, that once (but in some cultures and to this day) the civilization was matriarchal, that, in my view, confirms the thought about the significant (at present in many respects not opened) potential of the leading social role of woman.

It is remembered, one woman told me: “If you real man, means – you must earn more than me”. And to me from these words it was for some reason terribly unpleasant. But other once said: “If you could me ensure, I would be to you grow prettier by wife”.
It for some reason seems me that these are is two sides of one medal.

When I hear similar things, is created impression, that people, it seems, lose orientators in understanding themselves and that, whom they must (or they can) be. What does mean to be real man? Or by real woman? Who will take upon itself risk, being located in the sensible mind, to establish the authentic size of man or female behavior? It seems that people to a considerable degree of [otchuzhdeny] from themselves, are deprived of understanding their destination and, therefore, are disoriented and in order, to avoid vertigo and loss equilibria, they are caught for the certain conventional, kept balance stereotypes “of man” and “the female”.
Money (and their quantity) – one of such stereotypes, which refer to the measurement of symbolic in our life. Yes money became the symbol of force, might, success and… masculinity. Occurred focus – by money, it occurs, it is possible to now measure the masculinity as a quantity of potato with kilograms. Confluence of the means of masculinity with the means of money – extremely harmful for the man (both for the man and for the woman) tendency. I would name this process “the corruption” of masculinity. By the corruption, into which, alas, is introduced their contribution and women themselves when speak similar (“if you real man, means – you it must earn more than me” or “if you it could me ensure, I it would be to you grow prettier by wife”).

No, the element of competition is, naturally, inevitable. You will recall at least anecdotes about the women after the control. But you will agree, this competition is mutual. And it seems many men that the female peace declared war them, attempting to prove their insolvency. But what to make, when this war does begin in family herself?

Even if is something destructive for the woman (destructive for her femininity) in its desire of social success and acknowledgement, then this competition with the men, competition, which is fed by envy for the man and his achievements. This envy, partly, is justified, if we recall about the man chauvinism and the women discrimination, but in certain cases, this feeling is absolutely irrational and is based on the neurotic experiences of those referring to the early (children’s), unsolved internal conflicts of woman with respect to the adoption of its female role. As far as men are concerned, them do not also go around by side irrational fears connected with the woman. The long years of the dependence of small boy on the woman (mother or grandmother) superimpose their imprint on the psyche of the man: in the depth of his soul the man always experiences conflict, conflict between the desire of dependence and subordination to woman and of dissolution in its children’s “I” and the desire of riot against the authority of mother (and of woman, generally) and fear, that this riot and independence they will prove to be are not accessible, first in view of exceptional authority women, then whether in view of its own intensive desires will obey the authority of woman.

In the families the, as a rule, described dynamics occurs to be, in the concealed, frequently unconscious form, as a rule, without violating the borders of adequate rational relations. But if the described conflicts, in view of some external or internal factors, become not controlled – appears the agonizing state of hostility or war, which, however, is not deprived of the secret of the enjoyment of [otreagirovaniya] with respect to the partner of vindictive and malicious feelings.

In the family everything was wonderfully. Husband earned money, wife sat with two children, sometimes substituted by grandmother. Idyll ended, when wife was banal to work in the specialty and career takeoff began in it. First husband joked, then he began to grumble, and when the wage of wife began to considerably exceed his own, in the family began the unmotivated scandals. Moreover it was basic motive: “you do not love me”, “in you someone exists” and the rest from the side of husband. The husband of beginnings is more rarely to occur house, then he washed down, and all assurances of wife “everything will be good”, they did not act. Now family to the face of divorce, plus to that, husband any minute now they will expel from the work. What to make to woman in this situation?

Oh, already this unequal marriage! They constantly condemn it. Such pairs are always located in “the center of events”. As show statistical data, such marriages in Europe and America it becomes from year to year more and it is more.

Two sides of the medal: side the first

From the pages of secular chronicle item Michael Douglas, who is older than his husbands Katherine Z- Jones to 25 years, does not descend. Many threw down into the shock the marriage union of Sergey [Mikhalkov] and Julia [Subbotinoy]. Husband younger famous husband to 47 years. A little remained his father Andrey [Konchalovskiy]. Its wife Julia [Vysotskaya] is in all younger to 36 years. The pet of women “[muzhichok] nail” Tom Cruise is older than its wife To [keti] Holmes for 22 years, the sea-scape Of [zudina] is younger than her husband – Oleg Tabakov – to 30 years, and Helen [Baturina] on 27[let] younger than her husband, the mayor of Moscow Yuri [Luzhkova].

Two sides of the medal: side the second

But there is the other side of the coin, when woman is much older than her husband. Famous para- [Alla] Of [pugacheva] and Philip [Kirkorov]. The difference at the age was 17 years. True, marriage fractured and was decomposed. But the previous husbands Of [ally] Of [borisovny] were not it younger. So, apparently, reason lies not at all at its age. Today next to the legend of young and energetic, not deprived of a sense of humour and charm Maxim [Galkin].

Of [persi] Gibson, “[glamurnaya] pensioner”, are older than their elected official in all in 32. The last husband of Edith’s famous [Piaf] was younger it to 30 years. Let us recall also about famous “[Klerpatru]” – by Elizabeth Taylor… Actress By [demi] Moore to 15 years is older than [Eshtona] Of [katchera].

Unequal marriage – phenomenon social

Unequal marriage – phenomenon social, and hardly it is possible to today name amoral. Only it is worthwhile to recall artistic works, as they will become clear, as young fellows they made fall in love into the mature women. And they loved entirely not beauties, but passionate, living women. Those, in veins of which boiled the blood, and which could subjugate young heart.

In each woman the princess lives, and he is worthwhile for her to find her prince, as it acquires the second life.

There are women, which with the age acquire romanticism and mysteriousness. Young men pleases their directness, the ardent love and the passion, with which they meet and accompany their lover.

Is interesting opinion on this question of Kim [Ketrall]. After break with the husband, executor of one of the main roles in the film “sex in the large city” said:

“To the women of older than 40 most of all approach 20-year men. They are energetic and not [skovanny], by them it pleases to be with the independent and imperious woman. So that now I stare on the young”.

I think that many women not to away marry young, total forces and energy man. But there is this category of the women, whom to fear to hear after its back the uncomplimentary words apropos of the fact that next to it young man.

Perhaps woman is guilty in the fact that she was born somewhat earlier than her loved? But the main thing not in this… The main thing, that they found each other and were happy together. But this how much happiness will be prolonged, already completely it does not depend on the age of woman.

As super shows, more and more than the separated women with the children they marry men younger herself. The difference at the age being not 2-3 years, but 8-12 years.

In what the secret of attractiveness?

What does draw these young men to “the old ladies” if around as many young, beautiful, lonely women?

Today 40 summer woman already long ago not old lady. It is confident in itself, it has its opinion and good work. It always can arrive to the aid to the man, whom next to it. To give to it necessary council, to sympathize, to substitute its brittle, but reliable female arm.

It is possible to name numerous successful and harmonious unions, in which the woman was older than the man. The famous writer of the agate Christy was older than her husband by 12 years. She always joked in regard to this:

“Outside archaeologist it is profitable to fall marry. Indeed the older the woman, the greater the value she for it represents”.

So that, dear women, take words Christy’s agates for the armament. This is a good occasion for the search of young person.

Is here appropriate to recall the French king of Heinrich THE II. Its favorite of Diana de [Puate] was older than the king by 20 years. But love Georges Sand poet Alfred de [Myusse]?!

Who did say that the age can become obstacle in the love?

The women of [balzakovskogo] age passed complex life, also, on our own experience of steel by not bad psychologists. They know and practically always they can find small key to the heart of man. Especially if earlier to it was substituted impact. This woman sees the strong sides of her of that loved and tries not to note weak. She is always prepared to [pridti] for aid by her council and to assume the role of friend. The man feels himself assured next to this woman, it is quiet, it is comfortable. It can be confident, that it will not begin to mock above its vital or sexual failures, yes even in the house it will not be any small quarrels. Woman, who lived not one decades, has rich life and sexual experience. This serves as one of the main weapons in the subjugation of young man hearts.

As experts assert, there is a category of women with the clearly expressed maternal instinct, to which is simply it is vitally necessary about someone to worry. Specifically, they “hunt” the young men, who need constant maternal concern and kindness.

Sexuality – one of the sides of the unequal marriage

The majorities of psychologists and [seksologov] had long ago been referred in the opinion: the peaks of man and female sexual activity in the age do not coincide. The bloom of man is fallen to the interval of 27-37 years, the bloom of woman – to 40-50. Specifically, at this age woman can allow herself to be more flattened, sincere and to obtain the maximum of enjoyment from the sex.

Councils of the psychologists:

• The most important prerequisites of future family prosperity is the psycho-biological compatability, at basis of which lies the deep sympathy, experienced to the friend. Admiration by charm, by talent, by the skill to achieve success and so forth

• The main condition of happiness in the unequal marriage is the tendency of each to consider the special features of second-half dependent on age and to build relations in accordance with them.

• If you are considerably older than the husband of man, then you one ought not to learn him to live. No one loves such councils. Give to it to feel that you are dependent on it and need its support.

Councils to the women:

• If your husband or friend considerably younger you, then you constantly should remember about its appearance. If to you are inaccessible the salons of beauty, [fitnes]- centers, then take for the armament the traditional people prescriptions of the retention of the freshness of face, maintenance of hair and body.

• Do not try to imitate to the very young girls: from the side this can seem by ridiculous, since you will appear unnaturally.

• It is not worthwhile to be jealous its husband to each young woman. Control your emotions!

Aleksey Mikhaylovich  the candidate of medical sciences, division head of the surgery of vessels and angiosexology of the Moscow medical academy [im]. OF [I].[M]. Sechenov on this question considers that on its sexual needs and possibilities adult woman and young man – on the equal. Therefore young lover reaches to it more pleasure, than contemporary or man is somewhat older.

Today increasingly more frequently and more frequently are encountered the pairs, in which the woman is noticeably older than her partner. If we examine this situation from the point of view of the physiological and sexual maturity of partners, then, it is possible to say that it is founded upon the serious scientifically substantiated facts. It is possible to consider plus and the fact that usually young lovers most frequently are very active in the bed. For them there is nothing inaccessible or forbidden. Therefore young lover – is the guarantee of the absence of boredom and monotony in the bed.

Adult women, who have young lover, must remember that their sexual activity will not last eternally, this temporary section is, unfortunately, small (approximately 5-10 years). Therefore, starting young lover, you think positively, and you will learn to obtain pleasure from the fact that you have!

Now no one it astonishes the fact that more mature women they desire to see next young man. The man, who would turn to it head. And it is perfected not importantly, how many years it with it will be happy. The main thing, that this happiness knocked itself by it in the door. But where the guarantee, that the [zanudnyy], bald man- contemporary will not throw it and will not leave to the neighbor by floor below?

And perfectly it is not necessary to be For the [alloy] Of [pugachevoy], Larissa [Dolinoy], By [demi] Moore or [Madonnoy] so that the young men would be next to you. Girls and young women can be stormier and hotter, but the experienced woman of [balzakovskogo] age has a spark, from which can flare up the flame.

You will today rarely see the fifty year woman, who would take the form of Matrenas with the knitting hook in the hand. Irina [Khakamada] in one of the interview “new newspaper” to a question about the female complexes age apropos answered:

“To me this not is familiar, because I was always it in the form and appeared considerably younger. This is connected also with genetics, and with the fact that I much worked”.

 How you do relate to the marriages, unequal with respect to the age? What do you think, what complexities can arise in the pair, when woman is considerably older than the man? But if vice versa? Let us discuss in the opinions to the article!